50. Ask Me for More

“Ask Me for More: Shoutout to Siblings Part 3”

To G:

Secretly, I dont want you to be so dependable, so perfect.

Rail against the boundaries that define your life. Tell me you want a do-over. Scream at the reality that is our family. Demand more.

Your empathy twists the knife deep. I know you understand too much. I know you tuck away some of your self-expression–

So that I won’t shatter.

So that peace will flow between you and me.

So that the group dynamic is preserved.

And if you go out into the world and become more truly yourself, I will release you because it’s honorable. But I will shatter at that moment of knowing

That I wanted to give you more.

That you gave in because you were the one who was capable of it.

That A could be more unapologetically himself within the family and we all had to bear it.

If my blessings lend you strength, take this one with you: Be at peace with yourself. Be at peace with the world. For you are the child of my greatest dreams of motherhood, and you have surpassed any depths and heights I might have conceived. In you I repose my most cherished ideals, and to you I bequeath my most complex legacy.

Amma.

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