117. Shakti

“Shakti”

Some of you may remember that I chose not to attend the Autism New Jersey conference, which was this week. I was bummed not to be there, but that feeling soon dissipated in the wake of Navratri taking over my whole brain.

There is just something special about being a woman during Navratri. So much ambient feminine power ascendant. In a world of default male privilege, it must be how it feels to be a guy all the time, snicker. I was not sorry to have all the nine days to throw myself into the fervor.

This year, I acted on a strong instinct, and brought Durga everywhere with me. I wrapped the figurine in a red chunri and let Her be the force. I was blown away by the impact it has had. She released a huge well of creativity and honesty, and I have benefited in ways I am still discovering. Sometimes I was exhausted by how strong the dreams and visions were, but it was not a time to be a wimp, so I tried to remain receptive no matter what. I consider myself blessed, as one of Her daughters, to have borne witness to what She had in mind for me this Navratri. May I continue in this strength the rest of the year.

In the kind of life our family leads, there is no room to hide from truth anyway. We have been moving huge mountains lately, and they only began to move when we faced up to the crises we had been normalizing. I threw myself into Durga worship because I, as a mother, needed mothering myself. The stakes are so high for us all the time, and knowing we cannot afford to fail is the most urgent, enervating mountain of personal accountability that we have had to shoulder.

It’s only fitting that as Navratri ends, A’s birthday swoops in. He is our beautiful child of instinct, born of our deepest faith and love, a quivering, constantly-in-motion testament to motives innocently laid bare, his every movement speaking so eloquently the language his tongue is unlikely to produce in this lifetime. He is love, joy, sincerity, pulsing awareness embodied. The only possible response to birthing such a beam of blazing light is to bow to the Durga in me, and fight for his right to be himself. Both my children rouse in me this knowledge—that there is no waiting; there is only now, to be the force of Mother Goddess they need today. I stand behind them today, always. Let no demons of internal doubt or external intolerance dim their brilliance.

Radha.

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